Takeaway
by way2cool4uXX
Summary: "You're posing as Sherlock's sister?" "No, as his wife."
1. Takeaway

**A/N: Hello ;)**

**Okay, so this is ****_such_**** a random, random, ****_random_**** plot bunny that popped into my head. It's based on the modern Sherlock (I have an obsession with Sherlock recently), the second episode; The Blind Banker. **

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"So, what are these squiggles?" Sarah asked conversationally, leaning over Sherlock's shoulder to get a better look. I stifled a laugh at his annoyed expression.

"They are numbers, an ancient Chinese dialect." Despite the curtness of his reply, I was still surprised at the amount of 'kindness' he displayed. Sarah smiled, slightly awkwardly.

"I suppose I should've known that." Sherlock didn't respond. She turned to face me.

"Who are you then?" I shrugged.

"A sixteen year old girl tangled in this whole mess. Elisa Johnson's the name." Sarah's eyes widened.

"Wait, wait. You _solve crimes_ with John and Sherlock? At _sixteen?_ And the police _allow_ that?" My shoulders rose and fell once again.

"Do I look sixteen?" I asked calmly, examining my nails. Sarah shook her head.

"No, more like nineteen. Twenty maybe."

"Precisely."

"What you're trying to tell me is that the police don't know how young you are." She stated, no longer surprised.

"Mhm. Officially, in the papers, my name is Elisa Holmes."

"You're posing as Sherlock's sister?"

"No, as his wife." I thought Sarah was going to have a heart attack.

"Bu- wha- that's…" She spluttered. I nodded patronisingly.

"We don't look anything like each other, the whole brother sister thing would've gone down the drain." Sarah took a deep breath. "But don't worry, we're not actually married." I added as an afterthought.

"What about adopted siblings?"

"Unrealistic. Sherlock's parents had two psychopathic children who saw and deduced _everything._ They also happened to be cold and heartless. Do you honestly think they would adopt another kid?" Silence greeted my response.

"This is messed up." She finally blurted out.

"It sure is. Takeaway?" Sarah gaped.

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**Okay, I don't know where this came from. It just, I dunno, sorta popped into my head. You cannot deny the plot bunnies! Please R&R, I thrive on reviews, they are my LIFE!**


	2. Liar

**A/N: Okay, so I quickly wrote this up as a continuation of sorts to the earlier chapter. Except, it's not exactly a continuation because it's unrelated to the other drabble. This one is set in 'A Scandal in Belgravia'. **

"Hello to you too." I said, after Sherlock finished his small tirade about some murder, and immediately cringed at the overdone cheerfulness in my voice. My lie was already going badly. Despite the fact that Sherlock appeared not to notice, I knew better. The man noticed _everything__._ "I have some news."

"Oh?" He seemed completely and utterly uninterested and continued to peer at something through his microscope.

"About Irene Adler." I spat out _The Woman's _name like a disease. However, it granted me Sherlock's complete and undivided attention.

"What about her? Has she returned? Is she here, in London?" He asked, much more lively. Trying to remember what I was actually meant to say, I shrugged.

"She's in America actually." The tone in which I was speaking changed to a much more monotonous one. Not good. And John said _I_was the better liar? "She got into a..." I tripped over my words and my heartbeat quickened slightly. "...witness protection scheme or something."

"Ah. That's..." Here, he paused, looking at me very intently. "...a lie." In a flash, he was next to me, eyes ablaze.

"Of course it isn't..." I sounded unconvincing, even to myself.

"You walked in seemingly calm and collected but your scarf was wrinkled in that one place where you wrung it in worry. Your feet; you were shuffling nervously throughout the whole conversation. Furthermore, your voice became emotionless and you stumbled over words; one a clear sign of reciting a text from memory the other making a mistake. As soon as this was done your heartbeat accelerated - the vein on your throat pulsated faster - another sign of lying. Your gaze was very shifty, you never looked me in the eye, should I go on?" He breathed in my ear. I swallowed.

"No, I think that's quite enough." I whispered.

"Only one question remains." His voice came even closer, ghosting over the sensitive skin of my neck. "What _did _happen to Miss Adler?"

"She's dead." I blurted out mindlessly. Sherlock paused, but did not move away.

"Good." His voice lowered considerably, sending a single shiver down my spine. "Cold?" I could practically _hear_ him smirking.

"Very."

***shiver shiver* Sherlock is absolutely sexy. Anyway, review people. Save the children!**


	3. Of Agreeable Situations and Showing Off

**A/N: Hello, my lovelies. I decided to continue with my little drabbly thing because it's fun. And because I found an awesome prompt site about Sherlock. **

**I also noticed I forgot about poor disclaimers... :( So, **

**Despite the fact that Sherlock is a sexy beast, he is not mine. So sad. I might cry. *breaks down* **

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"How exactly _did _we end up here?" I asked, shivers racing down my spine.

"Your fault. If we did it _my _way…" Sherlock trailed off and I chuckled breathlessly.

"Full of ourselves, are we?"

"I am _not _full of myself." He huffed indignantly.

"No, you show off."

"When did I last show off?"

"Today."

"Doesn't count." He responded immediately.

"Yes it does. It took you exactly twenty-three seconds to blow my mind."

"It was simple, figuring it all out."

"_Stop _showing off."

"That's what consulting detectives _do._"

"How would you know? You're the only one out there!" I pointed out.

"I am simply explaining my line of reasoning, since you apparently don't understand; everything could've turned out more agreeable if you only listened." I rolled my eyes.

"So it wasn't even agreeable?"

"I never said that." His voice reminded me of an exasperated parent arguing with their child. "In fact, I suggest we do it again." I was full-on shivering now, although Sherlock seemed unaffected.

"What, interrogating an affluent German politician and getting stuck outside in the pouring rain with the temperature below freezing?"

"Absolutely."

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**Voila. What did y'all think? Good? Bad? By the way, the prompt was ****_hypothermia_****. That's all I got, so be kind ;) And REVIEW because I will give you COOKIES and everyone loves cookies!**


	4. Innuendos

**A/N: Hello yet again. Here is another drabble added to my humble collection :) **

**Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish for it, Sherlock shall never be mine ;(**

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"Okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." John stated firmly upon catching Sherlock and I dissecting a body in the bathtub. _His _bathtub, John had said, because we didn't pay any of the rent anymore since he got a job. _Our _bathtub, Sherlock retaliated, because it was him who solved the case of The Blind Banker which had paid us a round million.

"Easy or hard?" John repeated his question, patience obviously wavering.

"I'm hard." Sherlock replied absent-mindedly which sent me into a fit of laughter. "What?" He asked, clearly exasperated.

"I'm easy. What a pair we make." I choked out. John snorted.

"You don't even realise what you said, do you?" He asked. I eyed Sherlock in wonder.

"He didn't?"

"Christ, it's like the earth-goes-round-the-sun thing all over again." Sherlock looked up in irritation.

"I _told_ you, I deleted that nonsensical piece of information."

"It's _not_ nonsensical, it's- oh, forget it." John snapped. "I'm getting out of here; please clean up after yourselves."

"We will." I assured, but he still looked somewhat dubious. "Come on, who leaves dissected bodies in a bathtub?" I let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah..." John trailed off awkwardly, looking at Sherlock who was, in turn, looking away. I stopped laughing rapidly.

"You're kidding."

"You don't know half of it." John said jokingly. "Welcome to 221b."

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**A/N: Thank you to anyone who reviewed or put this story on alerts/favourites. A special thank you to Tinkernat who gives me prompts AND reviews :) **


	5. Dates

**A/N: HAHA, yes, it's me :) Again. I decided (I'm making a lot of decisions lately) to post one drabble per day. They're not long and inspiration comes from all around me ;) **

**This one is set during 'A Study in Pink'. **

**Disclaimer: *sigh* How many times? NOT MINE. **

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"Gotta dash, Sherlock. See what you can do about those mysterious not-quite-but-kinda-suicides." I said, breathless from all the running around I've been doing for the past two hours. Getting glamorous was a real pain.

"Date?" Sherlock sounded awfully bored. No surprise there.

"Yeah."

"No."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I think I heard you wrong."

"Doubtful; I spoke clearly and-"

"That was my subtle way of saying that you can't tell me what to do." I had walked exactly two steps when I felt his fingers close around my wrist.

_Sherlock..." _I sighed in exasperation.

"Stay." His voice was much softer, soothing almost, like it was whenever he wanted me to do something for him.

"I can't. It would be impolite." I tried to reason, but it was hard when he was _oh-so-close _and...

"Please."

I fainted.

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**Ooooh, stuff's happening! Will I kill Elisa? Not if YOU post a review! Yes, YOU! **

**...**

**...**

**Please? *pouty face***


	6. I Believe I Can Fly

**A/N: Here is another drabble, as promised, with the disclaimer very much matching ;) **

**Disclaimer: ****_I believe I can fly, but then I realise Sherlock isn't mine! So with the copyright people I plea; please don't sue me! _**

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"Bored." Sherlock launched himself at the worn-out sofa and landed with a _thump._ "Bored!" He jumped up again and kicked out his leg like a ninja. "Bored, bored, _bored!"_He grabbed his gun and shot the armchair twice in rapid succession. _"Booo-"_

"Do something entertaining. I'm sure there's a nice little psychopath on the loose _somewhere."_

"Yes, in Peru." He replied immediately. "Not worth my time."

"So now even psychopaths aren't worth your time?"

"He's not a proper psychopath. Not even _one_murder."

"Oh, right, silly me." I snapped sarcastically. "Apparently a psychopath who hasn't yet killed is not worth catching. You're right, let's wait until someone dies in a gruesome way. _Then_we can investigate." Sherlock sighed impatiently.

"He won't kill. _Boring!"_

"Do something then! Sing!" Sherlock looked at me indignantly.

"I don't sing."

"I do. Look, like this;_I believe I can fly! I got shot by the FBI! I just wanted a chicken wing, but they shot me in Burger King!" _

"FBI's in America." Was Sherlock's only response to my song. "Besides, you're hardly worth their time." I rolled my eyes.

"What would you have put then?"

"MI6 of course."

"MI6 and fly don't rhyme, genius."

"I know," He replied.

"But?" I prompted.

"But the facts are correct."

I hit my head against the wall.

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**HAHA, yes, another one done :D Review because...man, running out of ideas here...because I say so! YEAH! **

**Please? **


	7. Christmas Mishaps

**A/N: Hello again, guys! Sorry I haven't been posting for a while; things have been real hectic. **

**Anyway, thank you all SO much for the love! A massive, massive thanks to all my reviewers, (Tinkernat, mary. , Sherlockian082994, Alice Lawliet, GiraffePanda2 and the amazing Guest Reviewer) because you guys keep me going. So, here is the requested Christmas Special and I promise promise promise to Sherlockian082994; your idea shall be my next drabble! Now, on with the story!**

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"So, who are we expecting?" I asked no-one in particular, chewing on a pencil.

"Well, Molly said she'll come. So has Sarah." John said when it became clear Sherlock would stay silent. "And Mrs Hudson will, too."

"Obviously, John; this is her house." Sherlock interrupted rudely. I threw the pencil at him which he skilfully dodged.

"If you're not going to say something productive, then shut up."

"Touchy, touchy..."

"You're not the one having to organize a Christmas party!"

"I'm not the one who came up with the idiotic idea of a Christmas Party." Sherlock retaliated.

"It is _not_ idiotic!" I huffed.

"The whole idea of Christmas is idiotic."

"Shut your pie hole, Sherlock." John decided to pick that moment to make his presence known once more.

"Since we're talking about pie..."

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"Molly! You look gorgeous!" I gushed, trying to make Molly slightly more comfortable and self-confident.

"You- you look nice too, Elisa." She stuttered awkwardly. I beamed, subtly sending a warning look to Sherlock who had already opened that big gob of his.

"You're too made up. It looks fake." Not that it shut him up. "Not really sure _why_ you put on so much make-up, there's no one here you'd like to impress." _And that's where you're wrong._ Nevertheless, I ignored Sherlock and instead smiled at Molly.

"Thank you. And please, call me Eli."

"Right. I mean, yeah, sure." She blushed bright red.

"So! Present time guys!" I exclaimed, taking three nicely wrapped gifts from Molly and placing them under the makeshift Christmas tree. Makeshift because Sherlock was rather intent on _not_ having it and the poor tree had been through a lot. I had to cellotape some branches back together after Sherlock attacked them with a saw.

"This one is for...John!" I smirked. It looked like it was from Sherlock, and that alone screamed _do not open in public. _

"Thanks." John muttered as I passed him the haphazardly wrapped square-ish object. "I'm not opening this in front of everyone. Not after last Christmas." The gift landed quickly on a stack of books. Last Christmas, Sherlock had given John a small box of condoms, saying he would need them if he kept going with Sarah at this pace. John had been mortified while Sherlock calmly began playing _We Wish You A Merry Christmas._

"Okay then! The next one is for Molly!" Molly looked surprised; the poor girl probably expected no presents. I hastily stopped her before she managed to rip off the wrapping paper.

"Open it later, preferably in the comfort of your own room and alone."

"Oh, please Elisa. Any idiot could guess what is in there." Sherlock threw in indifferently.

"Sherlock, I swear, if it wasn't Christmas I would punch you in that smug face of yours."

"It's lingerie; yesterday you went out, not saying a word to anyone, and came back with-" A slap resonated around the room.

"I take back what I said." I gritted out. "Christmas cheer and flatmate friendship be damned."

"Did you just-"

"_Elisa!"_

"That was brilliant!"

"So, back to prezzies, yeah?"

_ *Five hours and (about) seven glasses of something strong later*_

"She sleeps with everyone!" I laughed like mad at Molly's slurred statement. There was no one left in the room apart from her and I anyway; Mrs Hudson had retired much earlier, John went off with Sarah and Sherlock was being a drama llama in his room because I had slapped him.

"Everyone in the WORLD?" I heard my own incredulous voice ask; we were talking about Molly's work colleague.

"She's- she's like...a worldfucker!" Molly exclaimed happily, and we both burst into giggles once more.

"That's like a slut of magnanimous proportions!" I blurted out, gasping for breath.

"A global slut!" Molly added, un-ladylike snorts leaving her mouth.

"A universal slut!"

"Universal? That's bad. Cosmic slut! Intergalactic slut!" She wailed. We literally rolled around on the floor, clutching our sides.

"Oh my god..." My eyes were glued to the TV. "Why is that cotton candy talking?"

"Whaa? That's Nicki Minaj!" I let out a mad chuckle.

"Molly..."

"What?"

"I'm hungary_._"

"Well, maybe you should czech the fridge?"

"Yeah, I'm russian to the kitchen!"

"Maybe you'll find some turkey?"

"I have some but it's covered in a layer of greece...ouch!" Molly's goofy smile was the last thing I saw before I passed out.

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**So, liked it? Hated it? PM me with suggestions, I'll be more than happy to write a drabble based on your prompt ;)**

**Oh, and a disclaimer: Nope. No no no no no. Me no own ;(**


	8. Experimental Snogging

**A/N: Hello, it's me again. Here is the drabble requested by Sherlockian082994. It was seriously difficult to write as I have never written a kissing scene-thing before and have no experience myself. Hope it lives up to expectations :) **

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"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Eli! Happy birthday to _youuuuuuuuu!"_ The whole class sang (and when I say sang I really mean wailed) the all-too-familiar tune. I laughed along, just because it was so goddamn _bad_ I couldn't help it.

"You're turning seventeen! This calls for celebration!" Lacy, a girl from my sixth-form class, shouted over the noise of people chattering excitedly.

"Now, now. Settle down." Miss Brown chuckled. "We still have a lesson to cover, birthday or no birthday." I suddenly felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

_I need your help. Urgent. Hurry. SH_

"Oh, what kind of shit have you gotten yourself into now, Sherlock?" I muttered under my breath as the message flashed on my phone.

"Your boyfriend?" Lacy asked slyly, _the look_ on her face. I hated _the look._

"No." I replied curtly. She giggled quietly as Miss Brown began lecturing us on the Vietnam War.

"I bet'cha wish he was though." Lacy pressed.

"Miss?" I called out loudly, ignoring her.

"Yes, Elisa?"

"Can I please go to the toilet?" Miss Brown pursed her lips.

"Alright, just be quick!" _I'm going to pay for this,_ I thought grimly as I stood up, left the classroom and ran back to 221b.

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"Sherlock?" I yelled, slightly out of breath from running a good mile. "Sherlock, this better be good! Because I swear, if this is something not worth my time and irrelevant I will personally tear you apart limb by limb." I received no reply. Sighing impatiently, I opened the door to the bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen but Sherlock was nowhere to be seen. I suddenly realised he didn't tell me _where_ he was. I, stupidly, ran straight to 221b but he-

"In here." The voice was coming from the bedroom upstairs. I rolled my eyes; obviously he would be in the one place I didn't check.

"So, what is it?" I asked loudly, jogging up the stairs.

"An experiment." I halted rapidly.

"Did you just get me excluded for an _experiment?!" _I shrieked, kicking the door to Sherlock's bedroom open. "You _sonofabitch!" _Sherlock stretched out on his bed like nothing was wrong.

"You're not excluded _yet. _Now, will you help me or not?" I breathed in through my nose, trying my best to not murder Sherlock.

"What to you need help with?" I finally asked. "And why couldn't John help you?"

"John isn't a female."

"No! Really?"

"Quiet."

"You be-" And then he was right there, his lips pressing against mine.In my surprise I gasped, and he took the chance to deepen the kiss. That was when all my outraged thoughts flew out of the window and I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him towards me almost violently.

His lips left my mouth and trailed down my jaw, peppering it with tiny kisses. It wasn't loving; Sherlock didn't _do _love. But, for me, it was enough.

Jaw now abandoned, he moved to my earlobe. I felt his teeth lightly graze the sensitive flesh, and he proceeded to smirk when my arms tightened around him. Then he pulled back.

"You're very susceptible." He remarked. I frowned. He had claimed it was an experiment; I wasn't sure I believed him entirely. Because he was almost ardent in his actions, claiming my lips over and over, caressing my cheek, my jaw, my back.

"Whatever." I threw in dismissively.

"You're upset." He stated.

"You just snogged the living daylights out of me for an experiment."

"I wanted to test how an average female body responds to different kinds of stimulation." He said defensively. "There was no one better than you."

"Should I be flattered?" I asked sarcastically.

"Of course!"

I slammed the door in his face.

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**A/N: Some of you might've noticed I've upped the rating to a T. There was a fair bit of swearing in the previous drabble (in this one a little bit too) and a tiny bit of inappropriateness and I shall not be held responsible for corrupting young minds. Apologies for grammar errors, this stuff is unbeta'ed So there we are. Review because reviews are love :) **


	9. Happy New Year

**A/N: Another one today! OMG the world's going mad! But seriously, this is another request (from Tinerknat) for a New Year's Eve drabble. Since it's New Year's Eve, I thought I'd post it :)**

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"Only a minute left! Ooh, this is sooo exiting!" I said giddily, wrapping my burgundy shawl tighter around my shoulders.

"I fail to see how standing in a huge crowd of people, squeezed together like sardines and waiting for some flashy lights is exiting." Sherlock replied wryly. I whacked his arm.

"You're spoiling it!"

"And you're a sadist."

"Shut up! There's only thirty-two second left!" Sherlock rolled his eyes but didn't speak anymore.

_10_

_9_

_8_

_7_

_6_

_5_

_4_

_3_

_2_

_1_

Without thinking, I thew my arms around Sherlock and pressed my lips to his. He froze, and the realisation of what I had just done hit me. My cheeks burned as I detangled myself from his motionless body. His jaw muscle twitched as I continued looking at him, but he didn't speak. I smiled shakily.

"Err...happy new year?"

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**Send me love people! Please! Oh, and I don't own nuthin'. Just letting yah all know :)**


	10. Of Convincing and Tea

**A/N - I realise that I haven't updated in over two months; my apologies. Things have been real hectic (****_where have I heard that one before,_**** you're all thinking) and as much as I would love it, fanfiction is not my priority. Thank you to everybody who reviewed in the meantime and PLEASE FAVOURITE AND REVIEW IF YOU LIKED! **

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_"Narwhals, narwhals, swimming in the ocean_  
_Causing a commotion_  
_'Cause they are so awesome! _  
_Narwhals-" _

"Make me tea." An annoyed voice coming from the direction of the living room interrupted my happy singing.

"No." I said childishly. "Because you drink tea with milk. The very idea of that repels me. _Narwhals, they are narwhals! Narwhals-_"

"But I want tea!"

"But you ain't getting any! Do you know who drinks tea with milk?"

"Aren't. You _aren't _getting any."

"Breast feeding women. Are you a breast-feeding woman?" Sherlock kept on reading casually.

"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"Exactly. So you either drink the tea I make you or you don't get tea." Sherlock made a face.

"You drink tea with lemon."

"Yes, a slice of lemon in tea is not just refreshing but also healthy."

"Lemon is too sour."

"Milk is too white. Gee, Sherlock. No means no. I'm not Molly or any other fall-at-your-glorious-feet female." I crossed my arms defiantly, my eyes glaring a hole in the wall.

"Look at me." His voice was surprisingly close, and I went from determined to mushy in a matter of freaking nanoseconds.

"No." _Fuck _the tremor in my _fucking _voice.

"Why?"

"Because I know that if I do I'll crumble, melt, my resolve will waver and I'll make you the bloody tea." He was right behind me; I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I screwed my eyes shut, _tight, _then reopened them upon realising that doing so only heightened my other senses.

"Please." His breath fluttered over my right cheekbone.

"Why go to all this trouble?" My words, much to my utter dismay, sounded rather choked. And _god dammit _I could feel that damn smirk on his lips.

"We are officially married. As a wife, you should make me tea."

"Screw you and your tea." I managed to snap despite my precarious situation.

"Only the former." He remarked, voice calm and unwavering. "Anything else would be rather disturbing."

"Says the man who keeps thumbs in the fruit tray of the fridge."

"Says the woman who dissects bodies in bathtubs."

"You convinced me to help _you."_

"And I am convincing you again."

"What, to dissect bodies?"

"To make me tea." A long, _very _long eleven seconds passed, during which Sherlock hovered behind me, his long fingers skimming my waist. I gritted my teeth.

"Fine."

_Fuck life. _I was _exactly _like Molly Hooper.

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**A/N - I might not update again in a while, but PLEASE (yes I am begging) FAVOURITE OR REVIEW TO LET ME KNOW YOU LIKED :) And feel free to PM me ideas for my next drabbles. They don't come out of thin air, guys! **

**Love and hugs (because I'm feeling high today) x **


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